Fixated at some thought or the other at all times

Why do I constantly need to be fixated on some thought or the other? If it is a fear in me , I keep running the worst possibilities over and over again in my mind. It doesn’t matter if it is far from reality, I just cant seem to take it out of my mind. Even if my rational self screams out ” you are hurting yourself unnecessarily” I turn a deaf ear to it. I feel sad , depressed , need to break free but I don’t do anything about it. I sometimes think that I enjoy the feeling of self pity. Maybe if everything were picture perfect, I would just get lost in it. Does that mean that I constantly need some thought or the other to keep me alive. Not always do I think of sad things. There are times when I push myself into believing that all my wishes will come true. I do realize that I am under the hope that ” The Secret ” will work for me. Great if it does! But the thing that I am complaining about is whether good or bad , I constantly need something to hold on to . Why ? It leaves me feeling mentally exhausted. I realize what it does to me yet I am addicted to it. Am I alone on this road I wonder ….Image


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