Monthly Archives: April 2012

Trying too hard to please

No matter what we do, there will be someone or the other who will continue to be unhappy with us. The reasons maybe innumerable yet the sole constant factor that this situation is based on will always be the person in question. I have always been there too. For a person like me it is so difficult to overlook other peoples views. I haven’t really been this way all my life. I have had my rebel phase when I would never ever think about what the other people will feel even for a second. Every second was a liberating rebellious second. It somehow felt good and bad at the same time. Yet I payed no heed to what anyone said. I remember very little details of those times. I wonder if I really didn’t care or I just forced myself to believe that I didn’t care. Whatever it is, all that I know was that I always had this sense of breaking shackles at each stage.

Today I feel my personality has taken the road on the opposite direction, I am all about trying to please everybody around me. I know this is adding to a lot of unnecessary stress on me but am I will to let go? Will there be a time when I shall not really be affected by what people think or say?  I want to say – I don’t need you to like what I do or am. I will continue to be what I am. Please back off.

 

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The cost of not being able to say NO

Every person creates a certain kind of space around them.  A space, however it may seem to others, so close that it reflects the desires and personality of an individual. When a couple together creates this space there are lots of intimate moments and memories embedded in each brick there. The relationship is taken to a whole new level with this. This is the importance of my space to me.

There might be a zillion ways out there to better my space. But do I want any of it? NO. The ideas maybe brilliant but will I feel the same way about them? NO. It might make the space more appealing but do I want redecoration in my intimate space? NO.  Whatever the reason or rules any soul gives I just don’t want anybody taking control of MY SPACE. Please leave me the way I am. If you think my space is not as good as it could be, then so be it. Please leave me alone.

Even if it is my mother or mother in law, please leave me in the comfort of my own space just like I don’t try to invade yours. I never really barge in into your space and dig into everything possible and make changes just for the heck of it, do I? I let you stay in control in your homes, please let me have mine.  I don’t want fancy places or great convenience. I need my home, my way. Whenever I feel I need to make changes I shall do so on my own. If ever I feel the need for somebody else to clean my dirt I promise I shall turn to you. Till then please be my guest and not an invader who threatens me.

Just to give you a little backdrop of where this is coming from it is my mother in law digging in too deep just for the heck of it. The changes make very little sense to me. It has definitely brought in the feeling of being a stranger in my own house. For a person like me who finds it very very difficult to say no and stand stiff matters turn worse. I surely don’t want to be the one spoiling relationships over silly matters. However silly it might seem, it affects me so much.

For a control freak like me it is very difficult to make peace with someone else taking control of my life. I sometimes think I should let it go but I can’t. I feel like I am being treated like a slave. I don’t want to feel that way. I want to change things around without hurting anybody or hurting myself. I want to be able to say No to things that I want to.No No No…. Do I need any help? No No No….

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The silent lessons

Life’s lessons are hidden in almost everything that nature has to offer. I say hidden because they are around all the while but will only reveal themselves as and when we seek for more wisdom. I have always heard people say it is very important to spend some time in silence each day to discover oneself, but never really understood the essence of it. There was I time in life where I was terrified of being in the company of silence. The monologue that I keep playing over and over in my head was very new to me. It also felt that maybe something is wrong with me as I keep speaking to myself. There is also the act of rehearsing and replaying various scenarios and events in the mind stage. But silence I find is like therapy where the counselor and the patient are the same. We can talk about anything at all to ourselves without the fear of being judged by others.

All this said, I would also say that there are times when this silence that we have chosen, seems like loneliness and it becomes very difficult to differentiate the two. It is those testing times that determine how we are able to handle situations in life. If we give in and begin to feel defeated and lonely, then so it shall be. If we are determined to conquer the kingdom of silence, that it have life shall reveal itself. There are sometimes that are only going to add to more stress when we think about them. So matters I think the best is to sleep over them. Miracles don’t happen overnight but surely the intensity of that sickening feeling in the tummy is at the least the next morning.

I therefore combine both this thoughts and try to spend at least some ME time in the morning where my mind is at its calmest state. Given the busy morning schedules it definitely is difficult to spend too much time that way but I am consciously trying to squeeze it in. I know some people may recommend mediation but in the stage that I am in I don’t really think I can get my mind to stand still at a particular time. My mind is constantly wavering around so many related or unrelated things that controlling it to focus on one particular point seems like a herculean task. But after I have heard about the experiences of people, I definitely would like to be a part of it. Seems simple after I make up my mind to do it but there is a catch here. The catch is that I would like to reap the benefits without trying too hard. As lazy as I may seem, I am what I am .

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Is “Happy ending” a myth?

Two weeks ago I thought once we found a new place and settled in well, I would find happiness. Last week I thought once I hear from my to-be employer I shall be relieved and happy. Today I think once I have a little more clarity about the new job and join in, my rendezvous with happiness is sure to happen. Thinking back like this, I have just realized that almost 99% of my life so far has always passed with hoping that the gift of happiness is delivered to my doorstep. I have always been eagerly waiting alongside making great guesses as to what shall be my harbinger of joy. But truly is there a permanent happiness package with my name and address posted in this universe? If there is, why is there such a delay in delivery? Will I ever be able to “carpe diem” as they say it? Will there be a period of happiness a little longer than a few days before I find some other reason to be worried. Ok, I am aware that the Great people of all times say a zillion things about how to have a happy life forever, but does this promise come with a guarantee card? Can I please have some form of reassurance before I listen to all that anybody has to say. I would like to know that any methods that I ought to try shall reap benefits beforehand coz I am really tired of experimenting with new ways. I am tired with the trial and error methods and am now looking for some quick fix methods.

Having said so much I am beginning to think this might be giving you an impression that I am going through some testing times. Honestly there is nothing of that sought. If I were to count my blessings at this very moment there are too many that I can think of. A happy marriage, pleasant financials, decently good relationships, a social image so good that I sometimes wonder if that is truly what the world sees of me. What else could I ask for.. Well if I really can’t think of anything else that I need, then why is it that I have this constant void in me that  I strive to fill in each day. Why do I need to always hope for a miracle to fill my heart with everlasting happiness? Is it too much to hope for? Or am I feeling this cause I am looking for a happy ending and my life is surely no movie. Questions I ask are too many.. Answers are sort of out there but I am not yet ready to accept them with all my heart. Hope there will come a day when I embrace them and start over again.

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Struggling with the swings

Normally my mood swings last for a day or two, but not so this time. I have been experiencing it for some time now. I was under the impression that awareness of those hormone swings will help me tide over them. Turns out my hormones are just as aware of my tricks as I am of them. It is just not helping. There are several major things running in my mind right now but I don’t know how to save myself from the trouble. In fact I don’t think I know what it is exactly that is troubling me so much. There is just so much uncertainty around at the moment that I feel like I am standing still speechless while the world is tumbling around me. Is it the search for that perfect house or the fact that I am staying at home all day? Is it because I hate myself being lazy yet I am not really able to push myself hard enough? Is it because I feel like I am gaining extra pounds but I know I only want to start exercising tomorrow (the day that never really comes)? I don’t really want to stay this way. Please god turnaround everything for me with a sway of the wand… Let that magic happen to me.. I am feeling too lethargic to even pray hard…  Pick me and place me in that ideal world where I have nothing to worry… Bring back that innocence in me which will let me just jump around and sing aloud all day.. Give me that happy dream like childhood that I wished I had…

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Nice read!

Marriage Gems

Couples in crisis often reach the point where they decide they are just two poorly matched people. This precedes the decision to leave the relationship and go in search of that “right person.” Unfortunately, the odds of a successful marriage go down for each attempt at a new marriage. Psychiatrist and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families, Scott Haltzman, MD, says in truth, they are correct; we all married the wrong person. I found his comments from TV interviews so intriguing that I requested an interview with him to delve into the topic.

Dr. Haltzman says even if we think we know a person well when we marry them, we are temporarily blinded by our love, which tends to minimize or ignore attributes that would make the relationship complicated or downright difficult. In addition, both…

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The horrible “Mood Swings”

 

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                  I don’t know if you have ever felt like this: I am crying in this minute, smiling away in the next and again back to the unfinished task of pouring my heart out. Only if you have experiences like this will you be able to understand what I am talking about. It is a feeling of utter helplessness that dawns upon you where you don’t find any light at the end of any so called tunnel. It feels like the more you walk on this path, the more painful it is going to be. So does that mean we have a choice to turn back and not take that path? I doubt. It can be taken as one of those compulsory subjects in college that you can’t afford to escape. I do understand it is a tried and tested method that God uses for make us tougher than ever before but please can we have a cheat’s way out. Hurdles and more hurdles all throughout this journey of life. I know it is to only enable us to appreciate the good times that follows the bad times but please have some mercy. I am tired of waiting for good things to happen through those bad times and when the good finally does arrive it comes in with very short validity. Even before we truly savor the happiness and live the moment we are pushed right in front of another tall, big and giant hurdle.

Please I want to be happy till the time that I am bored of being that happy.

P S: Don’t know if you noticed the difference at the start of the post and the end. That is the mood swing that I am talking about.

One of those things that we will never understand unless we experience it… A heart break so painful that no matter how much we think it has healed there shall always be a scar left behind… A scar so deep that it shall bring back the heartache every time we see it…

Simply Solo: Single girl starting over - follow the journey

Happy Simply Solo Spotlight Tuesday! Today’s guest post is written by Courtney from Clduncan75, the “ME” Project, which is a blog about finding ways to beat back the flames of middle age with lip gloss and, possibly, bikini wax.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

When He Cheats

When he cheats … it doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world.

This is a mighty brave statement from a girl who, this time last year, was in the midst of one of the most painful, horrific times of her life. Yep, me. I had been suspicious for some time that my boyfriend, and father of my five-month-old…

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