Two weeks ago I thought once we found a new place and settled in well, I would find happiness. Last week I thought once I hear from my to-be employer I shall be relieved and happy. Today I think once I have a little more clarity about the new job and join in, my rendezvous with happiness is sure to happen. Thinking back like this, I have just realized that almost 99% of my life so far has always passed with hoping that the gift of happiness is delivered to my doorstep. I have always been eagerly waiting alongside making great guesses as to what shall be my harbinger of joy. But truly is there a permanent happiness package with my name and address posted in this universe? If there is, why is there such a delay in delivery? Will I ever be able to “carpe diem” as they say it? Will there be a period of happiness a little longer than a few days before I find some other reason to be worried. Ok, I am aware that the Great people of all times say a zillion things about how to have a happy life forever, but does this promise come with a guarantee card? Can I please have some form of reassurance before I listen to all that anybody has to say. I would like to know that any methods that I ought to try shall reap benefits beforehand coz I am really tired of experimenting with new ways. I am tired with the trial and error methods and am now looking for some quick fix methods.
Having said so much I am beginning to think this might be giving you an impression that I am going through some testing times. Honestly there is nothing of that sought. If I were to count my blessings at this very moment there are too many that I can think of. A happy marriage, pleasant financials, decently good relationships, a social image so good that I sometimes wonder if that is truly what the world sees of me. What else could I ask for.. Well if I really can’t think of anything else that I need, then why is it that I have this constant void in me that I strive to fill in each day. Why do I need to always hope for a miracle to fill my heart with everlasting happiness? Is it too much to hope for? Or am I feeling this cause I am looking for a happy ending and my life is surely no movie. Questions I ask are too many.. Answers are sort of out there but I am not yet ready to accept them with all my heart. Hope there will come a day when I embrace them and start over again.