Struggling with the swings

Normally my mood swings last for a day or two, but not so this time. I have been experiencing it for some time now. I was under the impression that awareness of those hormone swings will help me tide over them. Turns out my hormones are just as aware of my tricks as I am of them. It is just not helping. There are several major things running in my mind right now but I don’t know how to save myself from the trouble. In fact I don’t think I know what it is exactly that is troubling me so much. There is just so much uncertainty around at the moment that I feel like I am standing still speechless while the world is tumbling around me. Is it the search for that perfect house or the fact that I am staying at home all day? Is it because I hate myself being lazy yet I am not really able to push myself hard enough? Is it because I feel like I am gaining extra pounds but I know I only want to start exercising tomorrow (the day that never really comes)? I don’t really want to stay this way. Please god turnaround everything for me with a sway of the wand… Let that magic happen to me.. I am feeling too lethargic to even pray hard…  Pick me and place me in that ideal world where I have nothing to worry… Bring back that innocence in me which will let me just jump around and sing aloud all day.. Give me that happy dream like childhood that I wished I had…

Image

Advertisements

Nice read!

Marriage Gems

Couples in crisis often reach the point where they decide they are just two poorly matched people. This precedes the decision to leave the relationship and go in search of that “right person.” Unfortunately, the odds of a successful marriage go down for each attempt at a new marriage. Psychiatrist and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women and The Secrets of Happy Families, Scott Haltzman, MD, says in truth, they are correct; we all married the wrong person. I found his comments from TV interviews so intriguing that I requested an interview with him to delve into the topic.

Dr. Haltzman says even if we think we know a person well when we marry them, we are temporarily blinded by our love, which tends to minimize or ignore attributes that would make the relationship complicated or downright difficult. In addition, both…

View original post 807 more words

The horrible “Mood Swings”

 

Image

                  I don’t know if you have ever felt like this: I am crying in this minute, smiling away in the next and again back to the unfinished task of pouring my heart out. Only if you have experiences like this will you be able to understand what I am talking about. It is a feeling of utter helplessness that dawns upon you where you don’t find any light at the end of any so called tunnel. It feels like the more you walk on this path, the more painful it is going to be. So does that mean we have a choice to turn back and not take that path? I doubt. It can be taken as one of those compulsory subjects in college that you can’t afford to escape. I do understand it is a tried and tested method that God uses for make us tougher than ever before but please can we have a cheat’s way out. Hurdles and more hurdles all throughout this journey of life. I know it is to only enable us to appreciate the good times that follows the bad times but please have some mercy. I am tired of waiting for good things to happen through those bad times and when the good finally does arrive it comes in with very short validity. Even before we truly savor the happiness and live the moment we are pushed right in front of another tall, big and giant hurdle.

Please I want to be happy till the time that I am bored of being that happy.

P S: Don’t know if you noticed the difference at the start of the post and the end. That is the mood swing that I am talking about.

One of those things that we will never understand unless we experience it… A heart break so painful that no matter how much we think it has healed there shall always be a scar left behind… A scar so deep that it shall bring back the heartache every time we see it…

Simply Solo: Single girl starting over - follow the journey

Happy Simply Solo Spotlight Tuesday! Today’s guest post is written by Courtney from Clduncan75, the “ME” Project, which is a blog about finding ways to beat back the flames of middle age with lip gloss and, possibly, bikini wax.

Quick shameless plug: Do you have a story to tell? Advice to offer? Did you just have literally the worst date of your life and you must write about it? I’d love to have you as the next Simply Solo Spotlight! Contact me at: simplysoloblog@gmail.com.

When He Cheats

When he cheats … it doesn’t have to be the worst thing in the world.

This is a mighty brave statement from a girl who, this time last year, was in the midst of one of the most painful, horrific times of her life. Yep, me. I had been suspicious for some time that my boyfriend, and father of my five-month-old…

View original post 913 more words

How much can you share with your husband?

Of course we all remember the promises that we have made to our partners to not let secret keep us apart. I love the idea of sharing every single thought that creeps up in my mind with him. I want to talk about the dream that I had last night and also why I think I might have had it too. I want to also share gossip with him instead of venting out things to people outside our household. But am I overstepping the line? Oh as a matter of fact I was hardly aware that there was a line at all. I just thought this promise was unconditional and that I didn’t have to emotionally cheat on my husband in order to vent out my thoughts. Ok let me hold you right there before you begin to think that this is a confessional post that I am writing after I cheated on my husband. Please no. I just took that analogy to vent out another one of my thoughts ( now you know how I relate stuff while explaining my thoughts) So anyway about that line that I was unaware of, I have something to say. I believe it is a line that is ambulatory. I say this because there are times when he wants to know everything that runs in my mind and there at times when the same things don’t interest him as much. I am aware of the fact that the line is subject to ” Terms and conditions”. The term and conditions being factors like my mood , his mood, time of the day, whether an interesting program or movie is being aired on TV or not stuff like that. But how do I know when is the right time to start or stop. I have no issues talking about it with my friends but he still want to be my best friend. You tell me my friend will you hold the start and stop boards in your hand for me? I wish I could read and scan through all the factors at once and decide what to do. Even if I could I don’t really want to go through a checklist before opening my mouth. 

Ok it will be bad on my part to say this happens everyday, but it has happened thrice and I has left me wondering what to do and say. 

Image

Tagged ,

Stuck in the past

Whatever be the gifts that the present or the future has to offer, I am still stuck in the past. Not because it was great but because I just can’t seem to let go… There definitely are things that I would love to forgive and forget, but my mind seems to be stuck in that hard bound concrete past. After continuously telling myself that I need to accept certain events and move on, I do get it out of my mind but just momentarily. At the slightest possible trigger all of those unpleasant thoughts come rolling back to me. The trigger could be anything at all – a name that I recollect from the catastrophe to any song that I enjoyed at that point in time when such unpleasant events were brewing behind my back. I hate to recollect anything at all . They bring back memories that haunt me. My way of coping with such things has always been about dumping all those memories in a tight box in the back of my mind that I resolve never to open. Whenever I feel like I am going even slightly close to anything that has to do with that forbidden box, I just shut myself out. I don’t want to go anywhere near it. I am sure this is not the best of ways to deal with the past, but I guess its just my way. I prefer carrying that luggage without ever dealing with it and getting rid of it. Even if I try to deal with it, it drains the life out of me. I know I take comfort in not having to deal with it but believe me like every other person I would like to travel light in this journey called Life.

Tagged , ,

Hoping these shall apply to me as well 🙂

Can I ever decide at crossroads?

At the moment, I am still drowning in efforts to find a new house. Rents are up in the air , so are our expectations I guess. Assumed that it would be easier if we drew an household budget and decided how much we could afford. Been there, done that. If the allocated budget were the only criteria I guess that would have been a lot easier. The problem here is that in my mind I am still  trapped in those times when I remember life not being so expensive, not so long ago actually. Even if our earnings have gone up tremendously as compared to the old times, my mind isn’t being very understanding at times. Whenever I ponder on those high figures, there is a part of me which says we cant really help it and maybe it is worth living life king size after all.. But just the next moment I feel God that’s too much fixed cost that we will be committing to . We might as well settle and spend less on daily life ( housing in my case) and splurge elsewhere celebrating life more often. I know there could be a mid way out of this but then the differential doesn’t seem good enough to give up the first option. This idea of calculating the opportunity cost for everything has to take some break.

At the crossroads, which way will I choose? Once I am tired of hanging around in mid air and make a choice( just for the heck of making a choice) , can I stop myself from not coming back to the crossroads again… I would like to end it by saying “Only time will tell ” , but will it really?

 Image

Tagged ,

This is one of those reads that left me thinking even after knowing that there is nothing that could be changed.

After The Party

Dear Daughter-

I have sensitively opted not to use your name in this post, as I know the very act of my existence has become a terrible embarrassment to you. That’s okay, because I remember what you were like before hormones ate your soul, and I can’t hold a grudge. I know when you say that you hate me, you don’t really mean you hate me…what you hate is that I have control over all of the little things that make your world go ’round. Your cell phone, the computer, your curfew, your access to facebook (sometimes), your access to FREEDOM. Trust me, you’ll get over it. It only feels like you’re going to die-no teenage girl ever actually expired due to missing out on some monumental social event.

Believe it or not, I remember exactly what it is like to be a fourteen year old girl-thanks to you…

View original post 983 more words

Fixated at some thought or the other at all times

Why do I constantly need to be fixated on some thought or the other? If it is a fear in me , I keep running the worst possibilities over and over again in my mind. It doesn’t matter if it is far from reality, I just cant seem to take it out of my mind. Even if my rational self screams out ” you are hurting yourself unnecessarily” I turn a deaf ear to it. I feel sad , depressed , need to break free but I don’t do anything about it. I sometimes think that I enjoy the feeling of self pity. Maybe if everything were picture perfect, I would just get lost in it. Does that mean that I constantly need some thought or the other to keep me alive. Not always do I think of sad things. There are times when I push myself into believing that all my wishes will come true. I do realize that I am under the hope that ” The Secret ” will work for me. Great if it does! But the thing that I am complaining about is whether good or bad , I constantly need something to hold on to . Why ? It leaves me feeling mentally exhausted. I realize what it does to me yet I am addicted to it. Am I alone on this road I wonder ….Image

%d bloggers like this: