Tag Archives: Hurting oneself

The cost of not being able to say NO

Every person creates a certain kind of space around them.  A space, however it may seem to others, so close that it reflects the desires and personality of an individual. When a couple together creates this space there are lots of intimate moments and memories embedded in each brick there. The relationship is taken to a whole new level with this. This is the importance of my space to me.

There might be a zillion ways out there to better my space. But do I want any of it? NO. The ideas maybe brilliant but will I feel the same way about them? NO. It might make the space more appealing but do I want redecoration in my intimate space? NO.  Whatever the reason or rules any soul gives I just don’t want anybody taking control of MY SPACE. Please leave me the way I am. If you think my space is not as good as it could be, then so be it. Please leave me alone.

Even if it is my mother or mother in law, please leave me in the comfort of my own space just like I don’t try to invade yours. I never really barge in into your space and dig into everything possible and make changes just for the heck of it, do I? I let you stay in control in your homes, please let me have mine.  I don’t want fancy places or great convenience. I need my home, my way. Whenever I feel I need to make changes I shall do so on my own. If ever I feel the need for somebody else to clean my dirt I promise I shall turn to you. Till then please be my guest and not an invader who threatens me.

Just to give you a little backdrop of where this is coming from it is my mother in law digging in too deep just for the heck of it. The changes make very little sense to me. It has definitely brought in the feeling of being a stranger in my own house. For a person like me who finds it very very difficult to say no and stand stiff matters turn worse. I surely don’t want to be the one spoiling relationships over silly matters. However silly it might seem, it affects me so much.

For a control freak like me it is very difficult to make peace with someone else taking control of my life. I sometimes think I should let it go but I can’t. I feel like I am being treated like a slave. I don’t want to feel that way. I want to change things around without hurting anybody or hurting myself. I want to be able to say No to things that I want to.No No No…. Do I need any help? No No No….

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